Here’s something I forgot to mention earlier. When I was meeting with my GI doc about my, errr, bleeding problem, he asked me “Is there any history of colon cancer in your family?” I said “no.” And he said, “Okay, we should do a colonoscopy.”
So wait a second—if there’s no history of colon cancer, he’ll schedule a colonoscopy. What in God’s name would he have wanted to do if there were a history of colon cancer? (Note the Lovecraftian sense of horror connoted by the italics.) I tremble to contemplate it. Perhaps a complete bowel transplant?